Sometimes I lay in bed wondering
“What the hell was I thinking?”
Again, trapped in the same quick sand
of my love for you that sinks me in so deep.
You wouldn’t know that I’m struggling to
keep myself above the surface,
trying to breath what little air I have,
as you lie there peacefully in a sleep.
I watch you so often the structure of your
face is sketched in my mind, the baby-like
slumber that disguises everything about you
and for once it’s as if you’re meek.
And although I silently lay, inside of me
screams, in hopes that you will hear me,
awaken you from your dreams, then
maybe you’ll know my love for you is making me weak
The door that could free me, still remains closed
and it’s not that I’m unable to open it, but it’s you
that stands between, unable to love me, yet unable
to let me go. Selfish, you are but in love with you I am,
unable to speak.
Black, the color of
Asphalt heated by summer’s scorch and
Cleansed by the
Knitted drops of rain.
Black is the dirt that is hidden
Underneath all the shame
Reduced to a mere
Nothing, dust, nonexistent
Eventually not even love can
Remain on a back burner.
Kindness is a weakness for the receiver.
Eventually, you would have proved
Yourself wrong and what you
Thought to be different from the last scenario,
Once again failed to uphold its promise.
Mistakes are made to be seen now that
You trusted too easily and there was
Hope that his emotions remain the same
Even though the person you devotionally love has changed.
As usual you’re left to question unarmored to
Retreat what you gave always effortlessly,
The keys to your heart.
Miss her spirit, be sure to
Inhale her aroma
Salvage her season with you
Soon she will be gone, so,
Miss her spirit now,
Endure her love forever
his smile and the way
his lips curve around
the white teeth that
cage his biggest secrets.
his eyes and the dark
pool of brown that
betrays his hidden
thoughts and fears.
his broad shoulders,
big enough to embrace
his most treasured gifts
God have given him.
his arms that once held
me, apart of his world,
that wrapped themselves
around another woman.
the way he smiled at me,
once inviting, once of love
that I thought was
his eyes, the way
they held desire
when they glaced
in my direction.
his broad shoulders
I used to lay on to
connect to his heart beat
and match the rhythm of his breathing.
his arms that once held me,
apart of his world,
that now wrap themselves
around another woman.
It might seem like I desire
the way your fingers trace
the dept of my spine
the way my hips answer to
the tingle of your touch.
My body is in sync with yours
as my legs search your legs
as my hands clench your skin
as my torso arches against yours
as my soft moan cries out your name.
As you follow my rhythm,
this is all too familiar
this is more than what I asked for
this is more than I can handle
this is more than I can bare.
And, as much as I try,
I can’t get my body to lessen its tense
I can’t get my body to stop rejecting
I can’t get my body to become untangled with my mind.
I can’t get my body to
lingers in my veins,
flows throw my body
with the river of my blood.
washes over my mind,
flooding my thoughts,
sinking my expectations.
gnaws at my good intentions,
consuming my humbleness,
demolishing the undeserving respect.
engulfs my judgment,
ignites my fury,
at the sight of his face.
embraces my soul,
gripping my sanity
grasping me to this earth
soothes my spirit,
calms my entangled nerves,
tranquilizing the negativity soaring through
educates my ignorant past
prepares my unknown future
reassures my conflicted emotions.
reminds me she is half of me
reminds me she is half of him
reminds me if I love her, then I must have love for him
at the sight of her face.
come dance the rhythms of my heart
I’ve been in trance
the moment I saw you from the start.
come for all the world to see
how beautiful you really are
only to be stringed up with me.
come ease my troubled mind,
you have been my supplement
and will be until the end of time.
come, please don’t have us fight
I know this is your final debut
but, still, I must hang on to you tight.
and that your heart is delicate,
which explains why I hold you from afar.
come, please, I don’t dare let you go.
You are like my master too,
but please don’t let that show.